“I don’t much like my life right now”, my friend said as she dramatically dropped her head to the table. And that’s how our dinner night started. I had envisioned a laughing, gossipy, catch-up dinner, not a bare-the-soul dinner. I longingly looked at the people sitting at a table next to us while they ordered a round of shots and for a short moment, wished I was with them.
I’m very fond of my friend and was worried about her and so I asked her what was going on to make her life frustrating. She looked exhausted with dark circles under her eyes. I know she had challenges in her life, which included caring for two school aged children, working two jobs, a husband who worked rotating day/night shifts and she had just lost her full-time babysitter.
She explained how she didn’t like the way life was unfolding for her. It was becoming overwhelming. She didn’t feel much for her husband, the sex was not great, she was worn out from trying to maintain a grueling schedule. She wasn’t feeling it for anything or anybody. She loves her husband, adores her children but was confused about the lack of feeling anything for anything. She felt numb. After hearing her woeful story, I wasn’t sure I’d like her life either and knew my friend had lost her mojo.
A few days after our dinner, another friend called and shared she was depressed and sad. She was going through a divorce after a long marriage and was frankly a hot mess as well. She was struggling with major life changes - a new job, a new place to live and creating a new life. And through it all, her mojo had gone astray.
Mojo means different things to different people. Some think it’s a certain air of attractiveness, others think it’s sexual appeal, still others think it is personal energy, like an aura. To me, it means a life force – knowing, accepting and following your life's passion. It means feeling confident, strong, positive, and hopeful. It means quieting the voice that always whispers - be safe, don’t leave that comfort zone. It means feeling attractive and strong, finding and speaking your voice, no matter your body type or if you’re having a good hair day. It means being living powerfully and with joy. All the things we want in our lives are within our reach.
The thing about mojo is that it can be lost without warning. You wake up one morning and it’s just gone. Perhaps life has worn you down or maybe you haven’t taken care of yourself, or your life is too busy taking care of others.
Maybe your mojo was stolen. Typically, people who try to have it all also feel a need to do it all. It drains the body’s energy, creativity, and health.
Enabling behaviors are a mojo stealer. A phrase I recently heard really hit home for me "Doing things for others that which they can do for themselves robs them of the dignity to make their own choices and to learn and grow from those choices." You may think if your loved ones aren’t happy then somehow it must be your fault and since it's your fault, you need to work twice as hard to make them happy. It’s a never-ending, exhausting and unrelenting spinning hamster-wheel feeling getting you nowhere.
If you've lost your mojo, I hope this list will help you find what's missing and to learn how to love yourself which is the hardest challenge of all.
Find Your Mojo List
- Put some laughter in your life, even if you're laughing at yourself. Laughing and keeping a sense of humor, even in the darkest of times, has amazing healing properties.
- Slow down in life. You don’t have to do everything, right now, right away.
- Take time to heal and spoil yourself. Get a pedicure or a massage. Buy a book!
- Realize that another person’s happiness isn’t your responsibility or job in life.
- Take care of you before you take care of others – it’s not selfish, it’s self-love.
- Write in a journal. Sometimes putting thoughts to paper really clears up the fog and you can see a new positive path to take.
- Put things in perspective – decipher what’s real and what are you making up in your head.
- Breathe deep and often – breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4. It’s incredibly relaxing.
- Finally, gift yourself the time and space to let the things you are seeking, find you. Your mojo is not far away, it’s out there looking for you and it’s on the way back home.